Women in particular seem to be really good at meeting everybody else’s needs and ignoring their own. Who has never cancelled a doctor’s appointment, because someone else in their family is sick? Now that check up has to wait until you can find another time, but when will that be? That peaceful time you planned to read a book, work in the garden, have a coffee with a friend, suddenly disappears when somebody else has an urgent problem that only you can fix. Of course you say yes!
So you end up with a feeling of having no time for yourself, which can lead to resentment, frustration and never getting the important things (to you) done. What can you do?
1. Firstly acknowledge you can’t do everything. You need to focus on your priorities not everybody else’s and you need to acknowledge it’s okay to put yourself first.
2. It is not selfish to put yourself first. Imagine you are like a car. Would you drive your car and never put petrol in it? Do you expect your car to run for ever without being maintained? As humans we need to fill our car with petrol on a regular basis - this is your own self-care. We need our routine maintenance regularly - this is time out, a holiday or doing something entirely for you. By doing so, your car runs much better and you know you can rely on it. Put yourself first and you are much better able to meet others’ needs. As they say on the aeroplane, put your own mask on first before helping others.
3. You can’t please everyone so don’t even try. In trying to please everyone else you won’t please yourself and that’s where the frustration and resentment comes in.
4. Think of all the things that you say yes to when you really want to say no. What if you starting saying yes to your priorities, rather than others? Saying yes to having my time, saying yes to self-care, saying yes to a more balanced healthy life, saying yes to maintaining your own self-esteem and sanity.
5. There are lots of tactics that people use to get you to say yes to their priorities which rob you of your time. Learn about these and you will have a way to deal with it before it even happens.
· People use bullying, getting you to do what they want to do through being aggressive or threatening;
· Others whine and whinge and because you can’t stand it any longer you say yes to shut them up;
· Still others try to make you feel guilty because you are not meeting their needs and are not being a good friend, worker, mother or partner;
· And finally the sneakiest of all, is the person who complements you. They start by telling you how amazing you are at something and then ask you for help with the task. Falling for flattery and praise, then giving into their priorities, simply means you have given away your power.
6. Learn to say NO. Lots of people have trouble with this because of the above points. However practising makes it much easier. Try:
· Use a calm voice and be firm and clear. If you are emotional or upset, the other person will sense your weakness and try to exploit you.
· Be assertive in your body language. Stand up tall, make eye contact, and don’t fidget
· Never apologise. Saying I’m sorry too much makes you sound much less assertive. Try saying “thank you for asking and I am unable to help you on this occasion” using and rather than but is often easier.
· Don’t make excuses and don’t tell stories about why you can’t help them. You will get caught out every time!
· Offer the person some other choices. “I can’t help you today, however I have some time on Monday” or “ I know Bill is interested in that topic, have you asked him?”
Remember, only you claim your time and step into your own power! Enjoy your time and make the most of it.
2015 was a year of significant change for me. The second half of 2014 and early 2015 were made up of significant challenges and stressful events. As a result I got to the point where I recognised the need to address this urgent situation and create significant change. As this time of the year is always a time for reflection, and planning for the future, I thought you might be interested in some of the things I did to create an opportunity to Reawaken and Review my life.
Torquay, Victoria, November 18-20, 2016
“From Surviving to Thriving”
A TRANSFORMATIONAL WEEKEND RETREAT FOR WOMEN
RESERVE YOUR PLACE – REGISTER NOW
WHAT IS SURVIVING TO THRIVING?
Since becoming a transformational life Coach, Andrea has wanted to create a retreat weekend by the sea would serve as the catalyst where women will meet other women who may have become dormant, and are seeking their purpose and direction to uncover the strategies, relationships and support they need. This enables them to rapidly identify the new lives they want and create the change they crave.
Surviving to Thriving Weekend 2016, is the culmination of that dream. It will bring together a small group of women in the middle of life, who are ready to let go of their limiting past and create change. It will be a two-day journey in optimising every aspect of their lives to create a fulfilling future. The weekend will commence on Friday evening of November 18 and conclude Sunday afternoon 20 November 2016.
Engage with your retreat leader, Andrea Fisher, who will transform the way you think about your own personal growth and development.
RETREAT LEADER, ANDREA FISHER.
Andrea is an experienced and qualified life coach, counsellor and group facilitator and trainer. She loves to challenge women to move beyond their expectations to create new opportunities. Andrea will be assisted by Amanda Alexander ……..
WHAT WILL WE DO?
Surviving to Thriving Retreat Weekend 2016 will be a fun, enjoyable and invaluable experience for a small group of women taking place over two full days in beautiful Torquay on the surf coast of Victoria, Australia.
Each day will be made up of engaging, reflective and hands on activities, with opportunities to relax and make new friends. The weekend is designed to take you on a step-by-step journey to help you identify how you would like your life to look, what is lacking, and how to overcome the things that hold you back in order to create and live the life you hope for.
Friday 18 November
6PM onwards: Registration and Settling in
7 PM: Welcome and Introductions. Group expectation and norms.
Saturday 19 November
8 AM: Self-Service Breakfast
9AM: What are you REALLY looking for?
10.30AM: Coffee/Tea Break. Stretch your Legs
11AM: What Gets in the Way?
1PM: Free time for reflection, walking, enjoying the beach, or a coffee in one of the many cafes in the local area
3.30PM: Program Resumes. Clearing, cleansing and declutter
8PM: Short evening program
Sunday 20 November
8AM: Self-Service Breakfast
9AM: What Could Life Look Like?
10.30AM: Coffee/Tea Break
11AM: How Do I Get There?
12 Noon: Lunch
1PM: What Does the Future Look like for Me?
2.30PM: Where to from Here?
*** All times are indicative only and are subject to change according to the needs of the group participants.
The retreat will be held in a private relaxing home in central Torquay, fully equipped with several bedrooms, sea views and an outdoor spa for your relaxation. The beach and shops are about a 10-15 minute walk away.
The Retreat Venue
A bonus for the first six people to register! Simple bed and breakfast style accommodation will be included free of charge at the retreat venue, for the first six people to book. OR
Local Hotels or Airbnb
If you are not in the first 6 to book, you can organise your own accommodation at your expense at local hotels, motels or through booking agencies such as Airbnb. Contact Andrea for a discount code for Airbnb. There is a wide diversity of accommodation in Torquay OR
If you live locally you may prefer to attend as a Day Attendee and sleep in your own bed! You will receive all sessions, resources and meals.
WHAT BENEFITS WILL YOU GAIN FROM THE RETREAT?
Time out in a beautiful part of the surf coast of Victoria will give you the chance to clear your head, enjoy the beach, and leave renewed in body mind and spirit having enjoyed time away from your usual demanding routine.
You will have time for reflection, and to let go of old unhelpful beliefs which no longer serve you well, leaving space for mental clarity.
You will develop a clear picture of how you would like your future to look, and can develop a practical strategy to put it into place.
You will meet new women who are on a similar journey of exploration and renewal, and gain support in knowing you are not alone.
You can enjoy simple healthy food, fun and laughter.
Finally, you can take valuable steps towards moving from simply surviving you really THRIVING in your life.
Includes, FREE B & B style accommodation for the first six people to register, all sessions, all retreat materials, all meals, and a bonus retreat goodies bag.
Includes all sessions, all meals, all retreat materials and the bonus retreat goodies bag.
Day Attendee: Price is dependent on date of registration as above. Earlybird $397, and normal $457.
Includes all sessions, all meals, all retreat materials and the bonus retreat goodies bag.
Ready to secure your place?
How do I get there?
Torquay is 1.5 hours easy drive from Melbourne. There is a train service to Marshall, just past Geelong, and a bus service to Torquay. If you are flying in, there is a connecting bus service from Tullamarine to Geelong and the Surf Coast.
Where can I park at the retreat?
There is limited off street parking and plenty of on street parking.
Is there a dress code?
Where comfortable casual clothes and bring walking shoes if you would like to take advantage of the several beaches nearby of which to walk and enjoy the fresh air. As the wind can be fresh I suggest layers of clothing, and a light jacket can be useful.
What if I have special dietary needs?
The food at the retreat will be simple, largely self-serve food. Vegetarians will be catered for. If you have any other special dietary needs, please contact me before to discuss this.
What is the cancellation policy?
As this is a small intimate retreat, it is likely that the places will fill quickly. In order to gain your commitment I need to be firm about the cancellation policy, so that others do not miss out unnecessarily. If you cancel more than a month before you will get your full fee back, less a $50 administration fee. Less than a month’s notice of cancellation, you will lose 50%. Less than a week you will lose your full fee.
Do I need to share a room or bathroom?
As this is a private home not all the rooms are ensuite. There are some rooms with one bed and some with two. The first to book will be offered a room to themselves, and then the shared rooms will be offered. Everybody will share the two bathrooms. If you would like to share a room with a friend please advise me when booking.
If your own room with ensuite is essential, I suggest you book accommodation nearby.
Any other questions?
Please feel free to contact me to discuss any question you may have and to arrange a payment plan.
Telephone 0409 180 880
Reaching Beyond Adversity
It is easy to believe that you can’t Reach Your Potential because of some adversity that may have happened in your life. You may have experienced a significant loss early in life such as the death of a loved one or major disruption through divorce of your parents. Many people will remember having to move house as a child and having to leave friends behind, and possibly the difficult time you had in re-establishing a friendship group in your new location.
I have worked with many clients who have been unfortunate enough to have been abused as children through physical, emotional or sexual abuse. This has obviously left significant scars and has resulted in the person concerned needing or choosing to seek individual supportive therapy to work through the impact of these issues. They will never know what life might have been like if they had not experienced this trauma or adversity early in life. Recent scientific research is showing that the development of the brain can be significantly impaired by early childhood trauma. But the good news is the neuro-plasticity of the brain allows repair work to be done through positive experiences and personal relationships later in life. It would be easy for the individual to give up and say that it is all too hard, and they will always be “like this”.
But this attitude means the challenging situation or adverse situation can become an excuse, not a reason for never quite making the highest standard you would love to set for yourself. It could be the excuse for never taking on a new experience where we do not have total confidence that we will succeed. It could prevent you from learning a new skill which could open a whole new set of doors in life.
Trying a new thing is uncomfortable by its very nature. A challenge is a challenge for that very reason. It takes us beyond our comfort zone and into the area of risk, where we may fail. But if we don’t experience some failure or lack of success, then we probably are not trying hard enough. There are very few new skills that everybody gets right the first time. Trying a new experience and not making it teaches valuable things. Discovering you hate a new experience is a valuable thing to learn. I vividly remember trying to learn to ski with spectacular lack of success. I tried a few more times, continuing to fail to master the skills required for me to even look mediocre on the slopes! Eventually I chose to pursue other interests but the experience was invaluable in helping me decide where my interests really lay and to understand why I thought I should try.
Most of us have watched young children start to take their first steps. None of them ever have complete success on the first attempt, beyond one, two or maybe three steps. The child invariably falls over and possibly cries. But parents don’t say “You can’t do that so don’t try again.” They pick the child up, encourage them to try again and continue to do so into the future. Eventually they learn to walk, and then to run! So it is with us as adults.
Marie Forleo reminds us, “Your past does not equal your potential”.
Marie runs an online course called B-School. The school has been reviewed in the past as teaching more about business than many postgraduate MBA courses in university. I have enrolled in the upcoming course because I have a vision to transform my business from working mainly in face-to-face counselling where I can only help one person at a time, to running a lot more workshops, conferences, retreats and online courses to be able to reach and work with lots more people. This requires a specific skill set, and my past attempts have not been spectacularly successful. In addition I have had my own personal experiences of adversity and trauma, which I sometimes used in days gone by as excuses to keep me stuck as a victim of my experience. Fortunately I grew beyond that and have now reached a much higher potential than I did prior to the adversities.
So in the interests of promoting a more positive future for both myself and you, I’m going public on my plans and my willingness to take a risk. I know I have the potential to do it and I am engaging with the best through Marie Forleo and Leonie Dawson to gain the skills and the support to get there. Going public in your intention is one of the first steps towards success.
I challenge you to do the same. So take a realistic step today towards the potential you KNOW you can reach. The first step doesn’t have to be big. You just need to take it.
Why don’t you report below in the comments what your first step is going to be and let us know how you get on? You can be guaranteed of support from me in your journey to Reach Your Potential.
May I wish you all the very best for Christmas and a happy New Year. Whilst Christmas is a happy time for many, I know that it is also a challenging time for some as our expectations are not always of a joyful time connecting with family or friends. Don’t be limited by the expectations of those around you or what the media would have you believe is the only way to do the festive season. Create your new traditions in a way that suits you, and prepare to end the year positively in order to start the New Year.
Isn’t it interesting that we link Merry Christmas and a happy New Year together? It is as if we automatically move from one event to another. However, before we can look forward to the happiness of a new beginning, it is really important to have a successful ending. For many, Christmas is about overindulgence and recovery, and then not doing much until New Year. I hear many people say that New Year’s Eve is over rated, and that they don’t enjoy it very much at all. They are glad when the festive season is over and they can return to some normality.
I think the clue to enjoying Christmas and New Year’s Eve is to think about Christmas in a different way, then successfully end the year before embarking on a new one.
If you believe the media Christmas, is all about happy times with family and friends. For those who are fortunate to enjoy this, please remember those around you who do not share that happy fortune. If you don’t have those people surrounding you in an environment that is happy, caring and supportive, then this time of the year can lead to stress.
I encourage people who are alone or who find spending time with family potentially difficult, to view the occasion in a new light. There are no rules about how you should spend Christmas. After all, the way it is portrayed in 2013 is dramatically different to the scene of an unmarried man and his fiancee giving birth to a baby in makeshift accommodation in a stable at the back of an overbooked inn. I suspect there was no tinsel wrapped around the rafters, and you will recall that the Kings arrive some time later with gifts that were most certainly not iPods, Nintendo’s or a Wii.
Reflect on the time and whether or not you have any religious or spiritual belief, try to identify what the significance of the season is for you and create a new tradition that will reflect the meaning and purpose you attribute to the time of year.
I hear families having picnics in unusual places, working as volunteers to assist others, or generally doing things entirely differently so as to avoid the disappointment of not having what others would have us believe is the only way to do Christmas.
Then I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on the year. As 2013 draws to a close it is useful to discover what was successful about it and what didn’t work so well and could be improved. This is what really helps to anticipate 2014 and move through New Year’s Eve, to start a really successful 2014.
I have discovered a fabulous tool to assist you to do this, so click here http://tinyurl.com/lxey367 to find out more.
I hope when I contact you again in early 2014 you are already engaged in planning your successful New Year.
Do you experience stress in your life? Are you ready to do something to get rid of it and manage your life better?
For one week only at a special price of $4.95, I have decided to offer you two great e-Books to assist you with practical strategies to manage anxiety and stress. Enjoy putting the strategies into practice to make your life more fulfilling and Reach Your Potential.
You will receive my e-books “Banish the Stress Strategies for Success” plus a FREE download copy of my Book “Bust Stress and Anxiety From Your Life” – practical strategies to manage stress and anxiety.
You will receive both e-books immediately after you complete your purchase – downloaded instantly to your computer.
To purchase this great offer Click HERE (No postage to pay as these e-books are downloaded directly to your computer.)
Enjoy putting the strategies into pracatice to make your life more fulfilling and Reach Your Potential.
I hope you had a great break over the Christmas/New Year. I spent some time by the water – both river and the sea, which refreshes and restores me. In northern Victoria we have endured extremely hot temperatures of up to 44 degrees and whilst I love summer, this is just a little too much!
Here is a photo of the wonderful waterfall we enjoyed on a 42 degree day.
We are now into planning 2013 and I have lots of great things in store For you. But I would like your feedback. I will list the Workshops and
retreats I have planned and if you are interested in attending,
please let me know. We will go ahead with the most popular ideas first.
I spent some time reflecting on 2012, and inspired by Inner Feng Shui coach Vicky White, I re-read my journal and wrote down a list of the things I learnt from my journal.
You may find some of these things interesting, amusing or inspiring:
And finally….. 20. When I feel stuck or caged in, it is because of my own limiting beliefs or actions. The possibilities are endless!
What is planned for 2013?
I have wonderful things planned for 2013.
Fire up for 2013
This 3 hour workshop helps you identify your aspiration and intentions for 2013 and gives you concrete plans to achieve them. Don’ t be the victim of more failed New Year intentions…. – move into 2013 with skills to achieve what you want.
Passion Test Workshops
I can schedule these in Shepparton, Melbourne, Geelong or Torquay. However, if you are in another are and would like to bring a Passion Test Workshop to your area, contact me. By getting a few friends and colleagues together, we may be able to deliver one right to your doorstep!
The Passion Test will help you identify your top five passions in live and unlock the secrets on how to live them to the full with ease and abundance!
Torquay Weekend Retreat
I hope to run a retreat in Torquay for a weekend in February or March. We will look at identifying your plans for a Passionate 2013, complete the Passion Test, uncover your strengths and talents, learn about balance and fulfilment and utilise stress management techniques.
In addition there will be time to enjoy walking or swimming on the beach, visiting coffee shops and the fabulous coastal town atmosphere
“Thriving not Surviving” Workshop
10 Tips for Creating a Passionate 2013
You may remember my Relaxation CD – “Relaxation for Body Mind and Spirit”
I have some copies of these which I wish to share. Like medication sitting on the mantelpiece and not taken, these CDs don’t work sitting in a cupboard. I would love to share them with you at the bargain price of $2! The CDs have some small crazing on the cover of the CD but they work just fine! This special price is just for the next 10 days, so snap yours up now, by clicking here . (Unfortunately this offer is only open to Australian residents)