Are you sitting on the fence?
When looking at new information or committing to new activities, it’s easy to sit back and watch a while before you decide. Hence the saying, “I’m sitting on the fence”. This is used in the context that you are watching until you gather enough information to decide, choose or follow-up on an opportunity. While that can be good and may avoid hasty decisions and mistakes, some people get stuck on the fence despite a plethora of information and simply can’t decide.
Are you sitting on the fence?
Fence sitters sit back and watch.
Fence sitters wait for definitive information to decide.
Fence sitters sometimes expect other people to provide all they need to act.
Fence sitters can fear making a mistake.
Fence sitters like everything to be perfect and have all their ducks lined up before they move.
There are lots disadvantages of staying on the fence. What if your ducks never line up? You may never decide and your procrastination usually leads to increased anxiety and a sense of a lack of achievement. There is little reward in getting nowhere. The fear of getting things wrong can mean you never start and if you never start, you can never finish or achieve. Oh, and finally, sitting on the fence can become very uncomfortable!
It is important to take action and even to get it wrong occasionally. That’s how YOU learn and gain experience. If you have led a sheltered life and never made a mistake, how do you learn what to do in a new situation? Making mistakes is incredibly valuable because you can understand more clearly what doesn’t work in a particular situation, adjust your response and do it better next time. Coming back from mistakes and trying again builds resilience and resilience keeps you going when the going gets tough.
If you’re scared about making mistakes here are a few clues on how to decide and be satisfied with it:
1. Be aware of what your priorities are and how they fit with your values. If you don’t make a decision that is in alignment with what you values then you will never feel satisfied with the choice you make.
2. Know what you want. What outcome are you expecting or hoping for? Does your choice take you closer to your desired outcome or further away? If it takes you closer say yes, if not decline gracefully.
3. Get specific about your options. Write down exactly what your choices are and remember there are always more choices than you think, so be creative.
4. Stop “shoulding” yourself! Deciding on the basis of “I should do XYZ” is never a good idea. Choose what is right for you and not what someone else says you should do.
5. Decide which option lines up best with your priorities and values. Make a conscious choice rather than a default choice.
6. Checking with yourself and ask, “if I’d make this choice and act on it how will I feel? How will I feel about not doing the other?”
7. Decide, then act! In the words of that famous book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!
8. Afterwards, evaluate your decision and congratulate yourself for getting off the fence!
The 10 Advantages of Taking Time out for Yourself to Reboot Your Brain
1. Time out simply gives you a chance to slow down and relax. It is impossible to keep going at the frenetic pace that society seems to demand and keep your well-being in good shape. Relaxation is essential. After all that’s why we have holidays.
2. Timeout allows you to de-clutter mentally. You can let go of some of the stress and clear your mind.
3. Taking time away from the normal routine of life allows you to develop a better understanding of yourself. Focusing on yourself may feel like a luxury, when in fact it is a necessity to continue to perform at high levels. Time alone may even allow you to discover your new best friend.
4. You may rediscover your creativity. When people are stressed, creativity often goes out the window, but creativity is essential in any area of life. It enables you to nurture yourself, creatively solve problems, and discover new possibilities.
5. Having found your creativity, time out can help you sort through problems. When you have time to consider things fully and carefully, away from the stresses of everyday life, things do not feel as overwhelming.
6. Increase productivity is often an advantage of taking time out. Many people attest to having new ideas, more efficient use of time and achieving things they never expected through decluttering. Decluttering can be both physical in your environment and as well as mentally and emotionally in your brain. Create space and there is room for wonderful new things.
7. Time out helps give you a sense of renewal and refreshment. This revives enthusiasm and allows you to refocus.
8. Now is the time, with a clear body mind and spirit, for you to reset priorities.
9. Some people, with the advantage of time out are able to take advantage of totally reinventing themselves and creating enormous change in their lives. This has been the advantage for some of the participants in my retreats and mastermind group. Taking time out from their everyday lives enabled them to let go of enough to find space to visualise how they really want their lives to look.
10. The summary is that you can reboot your brain and life through taking time out, relaxing, nurturing and refocusing.
How do you take time out?
Here are some simple ideas to get you started:
1. Disconnect. Turn off the phone, TV and all electronic media including social media that makes demands on your time with a sense of immediacy. Try for a couple of hours a day, or a day a week.
2. Get up 30 or 60 minutes earlier each day and take some time just be yourself before the busyness of the day arrives. Use the time to meditate, reflect or journal. Set your brain in the mindset you wish for the day.
3. Close the door. If you are able to do this work it can be amazing for your productivity. There are very few situations where you need to be constantly available 24 hours a day, and if it is incredibly urgent somewhat will interrupt you anyway. Tell people when you will next be available, and asked them to hold their queries until then.
At home, teach your family or those you live with that a closed-door meet you do not wish to be disturbed right now. If you can’t get time alone at home, go out to somewhere peaceful and quiet such as a park or by the water at a lake, river or beach.
4. Go away. Timeout away from your usual environment often encourages faster change. That is why we go away on holidays.
I seriously urge you to consider coming on one of my retreats.
I have a weekend retreat coming up in Torquay Victoria from 18 to 20 November 2016. Places are filling fast but there are room for just a few more ladies who want to move from Surviving to Thriving
Here Is the Link: www.andreafisher.com.au/torquay
or you may like to consider taking time out in exotic Bali next year at my
Relax Renew and Reinvent Bali Retreat: www.andreafisher.com.au/bali
Regardless, I want you to take some time out to take care of yourself. By taking care of yourself you have so much more to give to others.
Money, money, money.
It evokes a strong response in most of us. It even prompted Abba to write a song about it! Either it’s yes I want or need more, so send it my way, or it makes you cringe and recoil because you carry bad thoughts and feelings about it.
What do some of these words or comments make you feel?
“Money is the root of all evil” “I just won the lottery!” “He’s a dole bludger” “Did you know she earns $250,000 per year?”
If you had a response to any of those comments, then it’s likely you hold some thoughts and attitudes around money that you may be unaware of and that have been there for a long time.
If you had any response to any of those comments, then it’s likely you hold some thoughts and attitudes around money that you held for a long time.
Lots of these thoughts and attitudes come from your own early experiences and you learn a lot of your money attitudes from your own family. Maybe you have chosen to continue them, or perhaps consciously discarded them and replace them with something else. Regardless, everybody has emotional and psychological attitudes towards money.
It is important to acknowledge that money in itself is neither good nor bad. Money is simply a means of exchange. It is what you use to buy or sell goods or services, the things you need for our everyday lives and/or, a special treat.
What creates the emotional response is your attitude towards money? Money can create freedom, or imprison you depending on how you feel about it and what you then choose to do with it. Money attitudes can make you generous or a miser, trapped or enabled.
It is not my job to tell you what your attitude should be, but It is useful to know what your money attitudes are, because consciously or subconsciously they influence so many choices you make every day.
Some things that can help you work that out, include answering these questions:
What was the first message you remember receiving about money? (For example, if you wanted a new toy as a young child, were you told “we can’t afford that”?)
Where did your family place their priorities about how they spent money? Was it on possessions, experiences, education, or gambling in the hope of a better future?
What attitudes were expressed in your family about people who appear to have plenty of money? Did they praise them or put them down? What were their attitudes towards people who ran their own businesses; large companies; the role government and the management of money?
Answering these questions for yourself will give you a clearer view of how your money story influences your life now.
I want to share a new FREE resource with you from my friend and mentor, Denise Duffield-Thomas. It’s her very easy and practical Manifesting Formula.
Denise is an incredible money mindset mentor, AKA “The Lucky Bitch” whose best-selling books and courses have helped thousands of entrepreneurs step-up to create success and abundance.
Denise will share her process that will take you from “personal development junkie” into a manifesting MACHINE and money magnet.
She makes it easy, fun and totally chilled. There’s a free cheat sheet so you can play along.
You don’t need to be perfect, meditate five hours a day or chant naked under a full moon to manifest your ideal life!
But you DO need to CLEAR your mind of any blocks, get CRYSTAL clear on your goals, infuse every part of your day with positivity, take inspired ACTION and learn to RECEIVE (yes, it’s a learned process - women really struggle with that part).
For your Manifesting Formula and Cheat Sheet, just sign up here (it’s free):
P.S. I’m a proud affiliate of Denise’s work. If you purchase something from her now or in the future, I may receive a commission but you can be assured that there will be no extra cost to you.
Women in particular seem to be really good at meeting everybody else’s needs and ignoring their own. Who has never cancelled a doctor’s appointment, because someone else in their family is sick? Now that check up has to wait until you can find another time, but when will that be? That peaceful time you planned to read a book, work in the garden, have a coffee with a friend, suddenly disappears when somebody else has an urgent problem that only you can fix. Of course you say yes!
So you end up with a feeling of having no time for yourself, which can lead to resentment, frustration and never getting the important things (to you) done. What can you do?
1. Firstly acknowledge you can’t do everything. You need to focus on your priorities not everybody else’s and you need to acknowledge it’s okay to put yourself first.
2. It is not selfish to put yourself first. Imagine you are like a car. Would you drive your car and never put petrol in it? Do you expect your car to run for ever without being maintained? As humans we need to fill our car with petrol on a regular basis - this is your own self-care. We need our routine maintenance regularly - this is time out, a holiday or doing something entirely for you. By doing so, your car runs much better and you know you can rely on it. Put yourself first and you are much better able to meet others’ needs. As they say on the aeroplane, put your own mask on first before helping others.
3. You can’t please everyone so don’t even try. In trying to please everyone else you won’t please yourself and that’s where the frustration and resentment comes in.
4. Think of all the things that you say yes to when you really want to say no. What if you starting saying yes to your priorities, rather than others? Saying yes to having my time, saying yes to self-care, saying yes to a more balanced healthy life, saying yes to maintaining your own self-esteem and sanity.
5. There are lots of tactics that people use to get you to say yes to their priorities which rob you of your time. Learn about these and you will have a way to deal with it before it even happens.
· People use bullying, getting you to do what they want to do through being aggressive or threatening;
· Others whine and whinge and because you can’t stand it any longer you say yes to shut them up;
· Still others try to make you feel guilty because you are not meeting their needs and are not being a good friend, worker, mother or partner;
· And finally the sneakiest of all, is the person who complements you. They start by telling you how amazing you are at something and then ask you for help with the task. Falling for flattery and praise, then giving into their priorities, simply means you have given away your power.
6. Learn to say NO. Lots of people have trouble with this because of the above points. However practising makes it much easier. Try:
· Use a calm voice and be firm and clear. If you are emotional or upset, the other person will sense your weakness and try to exploit you.
· Be assertive in your body language. Stand up tall, make eye contact, and don’t fidget
· Never apologise. Saying I’m sorry too much makes you sound much less assertive. Try saying “thank you for asking and I am unable to help you on this occasion” using and rather than but is often easier.
· Don’t make excuses and don’t tell stories about why you can’t help them. You will get caught out every time!
· Offer the person some other choices. “I can’t help you today, however I have some time on Monday” or “ I know Bill is interested in that topic, have you asked him?”
Remember, only you claim your time and step into your own power! Enjoy your time and make the most of it.
It’s Spring! (Bear with me if you live in the northern hemisphere. The message will still be here for you.)
Most people love spring and all the new growth and regeneration that it signifies. Bulbs burst forth, flowers bloom, the grass is a vibrant green and trees get new leaves. The weather gets a little warmer; you can shed your coat and start to wear brighter colours. Everywhere around you are the visible signs of renewal and positivity.
As humans we are easily inspired by what we see in nature around us. Have you ever heard anyone say, “I hate a beautiful garden or countryside vista?” We rush into the garden, wanting to plant new things, enjoy the blossoming of flowers and trees and accept the good feelings that come with this visible change in the seasons.
I love spring, (well actually more correctly, I love to see the signs of the end of winter) and I am amongst the first to want to engage in activities for growth and renewal. I am always open to change, and I am energized by the prospect of new things. I love to plant new flowers and plants in the garden. I love a good workshop or training on a new area I am keen to learn about.
This keenness to focus on my new growth was no more evident than in my decision to focus fully on life coaching, running workshops and retreats in order to engage and help women in midlife in another way besides one to one counselling. There was plenty of room for growth, change and for the signs of blossoming by me making a tweak to my service to others.
However, I had been talking about doing this more for at least two years, and not much had changed! What really made the difference was when I publicly declared that I would no longer take any new counselling clients after 30 June 2016. This was commitment to myself, and a public announcement that I was ceasing one thing, in order to do another. Now my work planning, development and preparation, as well as the activities I am offering, are focused on this new way of enabling others. People now can hear my message that I work with women in midlife to enable them to reinvent themselves, in order to grow and blossom in their lives.
The key here is that I needed to be clear about what I was letting go of, removing from my life in order to move forward for new growth and change. While I kept accepting new counselling clients, I made sure that there was not enough room or time to build the new services through life coaching, workshops and retreats. I was self-sabotaging my best intentions.
Just as the gardener needs to do some preparatory work in autumn and winter to enable to garden to blossom in spring, by clearing, pruning, working the soil and then finally planting, I too needed to do some clearing and preparation before I could fully commit to my new work and service to others. I needed to let the old stuff go, to make room for the new.
Are you ready to grow and blossom in your life? Whilst it is important to look at what you can add into your life, it is also essential to know what you need to let go of, clear out or prune. Maybe, like me it is saying yes to too many people, taking on other people’s responsibilities, or overcommitting yourself. It is vital to know how you want your garden to look, before you plant, but you also need to know what dead, tired and unproductive growth needs to go.
Take a look, clear your mind, body and spirit to make room for new renewal in your life. Then create the vision for the future you want.
Want to be clear about your future and passions? Come to my Passion Test Workshop on 9 October 2016. Click here http://www.andreafisher.com.au/passion-test-workshop-2/ .
Hope you can share this journey of change with me
2015 was a year of significant change for me. The second half of 2014 and early 2015 were made up of significant challenges and stressful events. As a result I got to the point where I recognised the need to address this urgent situation and create significant change. As this time of the year is always a time for reflection, and planning for the future, I thought you might be interested in some of the things I did to create an opportunity to Reawaken and Review my life.
Torquay, Victoria, November 18-20, 2016
“From Surviving to Thriving”
A TRANSFORMATIONAL WEEKEND RETREAT FOR WOMEN
RESERVE YOUR PLACE – REGISTER NOW
WHAT IS SURVIVING TO THRIVING?
Since becoming a transformational life Coach, Andrea has wanted to create a retreat weekend by the sea would serve as the catalyst where women will meet other women who may have become dormant, and are seeking their purpose and direction to uncover the strategies, relationships and support they need. This enables them to rapidly identify the new lives they want and create the change they crave.
Surviving to Thriving Weekend 2016, is the culmination of that dream. It will bring together a small group of women in the middle of life, who are ready to let go of their limiting past and create change. It will be a two-day journey in optimising every aspect of their lives to create a fulfilling future. The weekend will commence on Friday evening of November 18 and conclude Sunday afternoon 20 November 2016.
Engage with your retreat leader, Andrea Fisher, who will transform the way you think about your own personal growth and development.
RETREAT LEADER, ANDREA FISHER.
Andrea is an experienced and qualified life coach, counsellor and group facilitator and trainer. She loves to challenge women to move beyond their expectations to create new opportunities. Andrea will be assisted by Amanda Alexander ……..
WHAT WILL WE DO?
Surviving to Thriving Retreat Weekend 2016 will be a fun, enjoyable and invaluable experience for a small group of women taking place over two full days in beautiful Torquay on the surf coast of Victoria, Australia.
Each day will be made up of engaging, reflective and hands on activities, with opportunities to relax and make new friends. The weekend is designed to take you on a step-by-step journey to help you identify how you would like your life to look, what is lacking, and how to overcome the things that hold you back in order to create and live the life you hope for.
Friday 18 November
6PM onwards: Registration and Settling in
7 PM: Welcome and Introductions. Group expectation and norms.
Saturday 19 November
8 AM: Self-Service Breakfast
9AM: What are you REALLY looking for?
10.30AM: Coffee/Tea Break. Stretch your Legs
11AM: What Gets in the Way?
1PM: Free time for reflection, walking, enjoying the beach, or a coffee in one of the many cafes in the local area
3.30PM: Program Resumes. Clearing, cleansing and declutter
8PM: Short evening program
Sunday 20 November
8AM: Self-Service Breakfast
9AM: What Could Life Look Like?
10.30AM: Coffee/Tea Break
11AM: How Do I Get There?
12 Noon: Lunch
1PM: What Does the Future Look like for Me?
2.30PM: Where to from Here?
*** All times are indicative only and are subject to change according to the needs of the group participants.
The retreat will be held in a private relaxing home in central Torquay, fully equipped with several bedrooms, sea views and an outdoor spa for your relaxation. The beach and shops are about a 10-15 minute walk away.
The Retreat Venue
A bonus for the first six people to register! Simple bed and breakfast style accommodation will be included free of charge at the retreat venue, for the first six people to book. OR
Local Hotels or Airbnb
If you are not in the first 6 to book, you can organise your own accommodation at your expense at local hotels, motels or through booking agencies such as Airbnb. Contact Andrea for a discount code for Airbnb. There is a wide diversity of accommodation in Torquay OR
If you live locally you may prefer to attend as a Day Attendee and sleep in your own bed! You will receive all sessions, resources and meals.
WHAT BENEFITS WILL YOU GAIN FROM THE RETREAT?
Time out in a beautiful part of the surf coast of Victoria will give you the chance to clear your head, enjoy the beach, and leave renewed in body mind and spirit having enjoyed time away from your usual demanding routine.
You will have time for reflection, and to let go of old unhelpful beliefs which no longer serve you well, leaving space for mental clarity.
You will develop a clear picture of how you would like your future to look, and can develop a practical strategy to put it into place.
You will meet new women who are on a similar journey of exploration and renewal, and gain support in knowing you are not alone.
You can enjoy simple healthy food, fun and laughter.
Finally, you can take valuable steps towards moving from simply surviving you really THRIVING in your life.
Includes, FREE B & B style accommodation for the first six people to register, all sessions, all retreat materials, all meals, and a bonus retreat goodies bag.
Includes all sessions, all meals, all retreat materials and the bonus retreat goodies bag.
Day Attendee: Price is dependent on date of registration as above. Earlybird $397, and normal $457.
Includes all sessions, all meals, all retreat materials and the bonus retreat goodies bag.
Ready to secure your place?
How do I get there?
Torquay is 1.5 hours easy drive from Melbourne. There is a train service to Marshall, just past Geelong, and a bus service to Torquay. If you are flying in, there is a connecting bus service from Tullamarine to Geelong and the Surf Coast.
Where can I park at the retreat?
There is limited off street parking and plenty of on street parking.
Is there a dress code?
Where comfortable casual clothes and bring walking shoes if you would like to take advantage of the several beaches nearby of which to walk and enjoy the fresh air. As the wind can be fresh I suggest layers of clothing, and a light jacket can be useful.
What if I have special dietary needs?
The food at the retreat will be simple, largely self-serve food. Vegetarians will be catered for. If you have any other special dietary needs, please contact me before to discuss this.
What is the cancellation policy?
As this is a small intimate retreat, it is likely that the places will fill quickly. In order to gain your commitment I need to be firm about the cancellation policy, so that others do not miss out unnecessarily. If you cancel more than a month before you will get your full fee back, less a $50 administration fee. Less than a month’s notice of cancellation, you will lose 50%. Less than a week you will lose your full fee.
Do I need to share a room or bathroom?
As this is a private home not all the rooms are ensuite. There are some rooms with one bed and some with two. The first to book will be offered a room to themselves, and then the shared rooms will be offered. Everybody will share the two bathrooms. If you would like to share a room with a friend please advise me when booking.
If your own room with ensuite is essential, I suggest you book accommodation nearby.
Any other questions?
Please feel free to contact me to discuss any question you may have and to arrange a payment plan.
Telephone 0409 180 880